True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
