There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
