I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
