So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
