Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
