Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
