Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
