She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
