So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
