They should really pass out barf bags in church
what day is it and did you see me today?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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