Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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