Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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