oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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