"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
