you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
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why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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