if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So much Jack, so little girl.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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