he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
