dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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