i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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