Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
