dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I touched a dick in church today
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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