How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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