You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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