my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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