I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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