If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
