i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
