Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
