what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
