I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
