Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
