oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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