Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
