When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
