I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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