i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
