i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
