Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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