Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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