im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wish I only lived at night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
