I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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