Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
