masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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