how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
