If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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