Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
