can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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