no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i now understand why vodka
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
