ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
