then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
