dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
