And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
