What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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