With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
