He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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