I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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