they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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