If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Screwed.edu
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
