I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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