He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
