Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
