Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
