ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
