we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
