Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
