a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
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I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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