i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
